My comment was not intended to be an open door (for you)

It’s happening more of late. I sense that someone is about to pounce on a comment that I just made and they seem to want to seize the opportunity to take a potshot at someone or something. Often it becomes nothing short of piling-on like a scrum – it’s contagious, as others will soon join in.

My solution has been to offer a closing comment (with a genuine smile) of “Not a door!”, to the other person. It’s my way of cutting them off before they can get some traction. I have an aversion to people looking for a chance to launch into some diatribe against others.

Sure, it can seem like a way for me to get in the last word. But, I try and be careful to use it only when I sense the other person is ready to pounce. What I have found is that it can be a pleasant way to help others adopt a more courteous response that would have otherwise eluded them.

But, I need to be equally careful to avoid the same situation myself. It’s easy to grab a sound bite and turn it to your advantage. There’s an unusual satisfaction in getting the last word. Watch most any TV show with opposing views, and you can get a feel for what I am talking about. Pity the poor anchor that has to serve as moderator and referee.

Could it be that the advent of text messaging, tweets, instant messages, and email have led to this trend? I can’t be sure, but I do see that people are talking more and listening less. There seems to be a compelling drive to get something out with your name on it. Is it really that important? Without listening more and speaking less, how will you develop the important quality of personal relationships known as empathetic listening?

The next time you feel compelled to speak after someone else makes a comment, pause for just a second (or two). Was that a door opening (for you)? Or, was the door closed and you are just trying to barge-in unannounced?

Comments

[Desertboots]

Well said and timely. Thanks for reminding us we have so much tools at a click or at a push of a button for a the sake of a quick comeback that may not be well thought of...